Continue reading only if you’re ok with some real life honesty. Don’t judge me.

Or do judge me, I don’t care either way. It is what it is.

I’m a single mother working limiting hours at a medical clinic as an office manager and medical biller trying to make ends meet. I launched my photography business late last year to try and start making a better living for myself and my son and give him a yard to play in before he’s too old to care about playing. I want to give him karate, soccer, and swimming lessons. I want to provide the best life I can for my son.

I thought 2020 was gonna be the year to finally get my – quite literal – lifelong dream of being a professional photographer going. I was building my professional portfolio and getting the hang of posting regularly, marketing, taking courses, classes, and learning how to run a business.

Then Covid hit.

Fucking Covid.

coffee cup left on park bench
kids legs pulled up sitting

At first things were a little unknown and I was just rescheduling clients, not sure what was going to come of everything. Then it hit me what exactly this all meant with my business. My dream. I was finally DOING IT and moving forward with my dream after failed attempts in the past years, and it felt like it came crashing down around me like somebody just dropped a shit ton of water balloons over my head and I’m left there with my hair stuck to my face and a stunned expression. Haha, 2020 you sly little devil, you got me.

Even after this is over, things are going to be different. People are going to feel differently. Life is going to be different and our interactions are going to be different. Can I give handshakes or hugs to my clients?! It’s gonna be like that awkward moment where you go to fist bump and the other person goes to shake hands, then you both reverse to accommodate and it becomes this silly dance. Are people going to allow me into their homes to document their real family moments the way I most love? There’s going to be another wave of Covid again soon too – then what?

I’m not gonna lie, man…I got a little depressed.

books on wall shelf with skull plant
cat face laying on floor

I have a feeling that you understand what it’s like to be depressed. It becomes a viscous cycle of being depressed over what you lost but not having the energy or mindset to get it back because you’re depressed, then that gets you even more depressed that you’re not moving forward and doing something.

And around and around it goes.

Thankfully I’m over the worst of things and am continuing my photography work and building up my brand again and such. I’ve come to terms with things and am just going to take things as they come. I'm still excited for my dream. It's just going to look a little different for awhile.

The point of this post is to just let you know that I’m sorry for being a little MIA recently. I’m sure that’s the case for a lot of us, but I’m sorry none the less.